User Tools

Site Tools


toasters

Toasters

  • If Hewlett-Packard made toasters, you'd get the Reverse Polish Toaster, which would take in toast and give you regular bread.
  • Does DEC still make toasters? They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
  • If Sun made toasters, you'd put in bread and the toaster would make a good cuppa java.
  • If Thinking Machines made toasters, you'd be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
  • If Xerox made toasters, you'd toast bread on one or two sides, and the toaster would jam your bread for you. The company would sell two toasters and then sell the rights to NeXT, which would sell 12, but they would look really cool.
  • If IBM made toasters, you'd get a big iron, not a toaster. Bread would be submitted by users for overnight toasting. Toasting would consist of laying the iron on top of the bread, crushing and burning it, but IBM would claim that that's what the market really wanted. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. IBM wouldn't call the resulting product toast, but would invent a new term, ebseshingle, to differentiate it from the rest of the industry.
  • If Microsoft made toasters, Microsoft would purchase most of the world's bakeries, rename all bread Microsoft Bread, and slice it so it would work only with Microsoft Toasters. The company would trademark Bread, Toast, and Toasters, and would sue Toastmasters. Microsoft Toaster95 would weigh 1,500 pounds, consume most household electricity and kitchen space, and would secretly interrogate other kitchen appliances to determine their manufacturers. Microsoft would claim that its toaster was the first to let you control how light or dark the bread is toasted. Everyone would hate Microsoft Toasters, but would buy them nonetheless because most of their friends do.
  • If Apple made toasters, you'd get something resembling a real toaster, and it would give you control over how light or dark the bread is toasted. It would work years before any other company's toaster.
toasters.txt · Last modified: 4/03/2016 05:41 by lrosa