humor:perverts_anonymous_qualification_exam
Perverts Anonymous Qualification Exam
Working from the recollections of depraved minds and an antiquated
version of the test, soon was created the 576 point test.
A mere five hundred seventy six? This would not do!
So over the months was cobbled together the Ultimate Purity
Test - field tested and guarenteed to be nosier that your
parents, more invasive than the census, and containing something
to offend everybody.
And for a brief time only, we're including an answer form so that
you can remember where in the test you were, or show to a friend.
Enjoy:
----------------------------------------------
Perverts Anonymous Qualification Exam
Ver 2.2.75 12:38:34.88 14.IIII.90
On the whole, this is biased for experience and, hence, age. If you're still
too young to qualify, well, these things take time.
Remember: the conjugation is "I am erotic, You are kinky, They are perverts"
Definitions: (for the innocent, naive, or too busy)
Necking: the kissing or stroking of a persons head or neck, the stroking of
arms hands or back.
Petting: the above plus the caressing or fondling of other portions of anatomy;
through or underneath clothing.
Sexual activity: all of the above, plus what your puerile imagination dreams
up.
Posslq : "person of the opposite sex sharing living quarters." Bureaucrat for
live-in lover.
Most of all, this is entertainment. Have as much fun in the taking as was had
in the making.
And yes, technicalities count.
------------------------------------------------------------
Peter D. Hampe, hampep@jacobs. cs. orst. edu
"Shoot low, they're riding Shetlands. "
Disclaimer: OSU thinks I graduated years ago!
I Good Clean, 'Wholesome' Activities
have you:
1. hugged somebody?
2. kissed a friend or stranger as a friendly gesture?
3. kissed a friend or stranger as an unfriendly gesture?
4. held hands with someone?
5. been on a date?
6. been on a date past one a. m. ?
7. stood someone up?
8. dated someone on a regular basis?
9. slam danced?
10. slow danced?
11. copped a feel while slow dancing?
12. tangoed?
13. waltzed?
14. french kissed?
15. necked?
16. attended sub races, watched for UFO's, or similar activity?
17. hot tubbed in mixed company (jacuzzi or hydropool)?
18. hot tubbed in the nude?
19. hot tubbed in the nude in mixed company?
20. while hot tubbing been groped under the water?
21. while hot tubbing groped someone under the water?
22. saunaed or steam bathed in mixed company?
23. saunaed or steam bathed in the nude?
24. saunaed or steam bathed in the nude in mixed company?
25. put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on someone (at beach or pool)?
26. had someone put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on you?
27. played post office (or other kissing game)?
28. played pony express (post office with more horsing around)?
29. played Twister? (Extra point for Naked Twister)
30. been picked up?
31. picked someone up?
32. picked up sailors (marines, soldiers)?
33. had a one night stand?
34. been hit by a thrown chalk eraser (by the teacher)?
35. been in intellectual combat with an unarmed person, and not given them a running head start?
36. been on a pub crawl?
37. slept on watch?
38. slept in your undies?
39. slept in the nude?
40. slept in class?
41. interrupted a lecture with your snoring?
42. bundled (archaic, the sharing of sleeping arrangements by persons of the
opposite sex while clothed. In theory, nothing goes on. )?
43. played footsie or 'kneesie'?
44. played footsie or 'kneesie' with someone not your date, significant
other or spouse?
45. been unable to share a bed, sleeping bag or other sleeping arrangements
without something steamy happening?
46. used tickling as a pickup or getting to know you better activity?
47. lusted in your heart for someone without their knowledge?
48. been in or started a food fight?
49. photocopied parts of your body, such as your face, hands or feet?
50. read the Song of Solomon?
51. read The National Geographic?
52. played doctor?
53. kissed and told?
54. been unable to cuss someone out in language acceptable in polite society
(e. g. is your cursing run of the mill, or do you have some class)?
55. used 'fuck' or 'shit' as a noun, adverb, adjective, pronoun, infix,
suffix, prefix or prepositional article in a sentence?
56. done something that you don't want someone to know about (parents,
employer, boy/girlfriend, spouse, roommate)?
57. never been amused about something you thought too embarrassing to
explain to another?
58. cussed in your sleep?
59. worn a strapless gown?
60. skipped class?
61. skipped class with teacher?
62. refused to be with someone because they whistled dirty songs?
63. been a bore?
64. been bar hopping?
65. been overcome by celibacy and didn't like it?
66. been to a cocktail party?
67. drank beer because you liked to piss?
68. dyed a pet strange colours (green, pink or purple)?
69. dyed your hair an outrageous colour (deliberately)?
II Autoerotica (No, it doesn't mean 'love of cars')
have you:
70. scratched and sniffed any catalog?
71. had an arousing or sexually explicit dream (Wet Dreams and the like)?
72. read or bought erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals?
73. read or bought pornographic material that might be described as really
gross?
74. subscribed to any erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals?
(include alt. sex, alt. sex. whatever)
75. read erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit books?
76. read classic pornographic books (Candy, Fanny Hill, Naked Came the
Stranger)?
77. been bored while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
literature?
78. been afraid you were slipping into monogamy?
79. written erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature (lust
letters count)?
80. misspelled 'dirty' words, or misspelled other words as 'dirty' words?
81. read any sex manuals (e. g. Joy of Sex, Everything you always wanted to
Know about Sex)?
82. read Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis?
83. read the Kama Sutra?
84. read any Presidential report on obscenity?
85. underlined, or marked 'good' parts?
86. made an obscene phone call anonymously (to someone you didn't know)?
87. received an anonymous obscene phone call?
88. received an obscene phone call and had it turned you on?
89. called any recorded phone sex number (The 976 numbers)?
90. called any live sex numbers?
91. recorded an obscene call for later playback?
92. worked at a live phone sex number?
93. masturbated?
94. masturbated more than four times in 24 hours?
95. masturbated on a regular basis (more than once a week)?
96. masturbated to orgasm?
97. fantasized about someone while masturbating?
98. fantasized while masturbating that you were of the opposite sex?
99. masturbated while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
literature?
100. masturbated while reading textbooks (biology or human sexuality don't
count)?
101. masturbated while watching an R or X rated movie in private (cable,
videotape, or film)?
102. masturbated while watching an R or X rated movie in public (a theatre)?
103. been "caught" masturbating?
104. adjusted your genitals in public (you'd think they'd be set at the
factory)?
105. affected an accent (SCA or Theatre doesn't count)?
106. asked a female friend, of her new male friend, '. . is he hung'?
107. sent a strip o gram?
108. done a strip tease for someone?
109. been to a burlesque show (Rocky Horror counts)?
110. participated in a Rocky Horror Picture Show production (costume etc)?
111. been to a peep show?
112. been to a live sex show?
113. been to a erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie?
114. been to a private showing of a erotic, pornographic or sexually
explicit movie (The classic 'stag' party, even if you're female)?
115. held a private showing of an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
movie?
116. practiced autoerotic asphyxia (trying to heighten your sexual pleasure
through semi-suffocation)?
117. bought or made a codpiece or padded bra?
118. worn a codpiece or padded bra?
119. wished you were of the opposite sex?
120. decided that if you were to be of the opposite sex you'd want to be
homosexual?
121. had a friend of the opposite sex that you traded clothes with?
122. had a sex change operation?
123. worn clothing that was "revealing" (either of your figure, or that
emphasized 'strategic' locations)?
124. worn clothing that you didn't know was THAT revealing (like the seat
has ripped out or such)?
125. gone for more than one day in the same set of underwear?
126. been in public without wearing underwear?
127. photocopied personal portions of your anatomy (tits, ass or genitals)?
128. programmed a computer to orgasm (yours or theirs, doesn't matter)?
129. cruised (in an automobile)?
130. cruised the bars?
131. cruised the gay bars?
132. cruised the leather bars? �
III Ethical Considerations
have you:
133. plotted to murder someone (commission is covered later)?
134. told bad jokes?
135. made puns?
136. made puns on obscenities (e. g. "knock knock. " 'who's there?'
"fornication", 'fornication who' "fornication like this you should
wear a black tie")?
137. told shaggy dog stories?
138. flubbed a punch line?
139. held a grudge?
140. recited limericks?
141. served cheap booze?
142. passed cheap booze as the expensive stuff?
143. not paid your library fines?
144. lied?
145. been in adultery (technically it's only if you were married, but counts
if you weren't)?
146. started a fight?
147. started a bar fight?
148. started a brawl?
149. instigated a raid (panty or otherwise)?
150. instigated a border raid?
151. instigated a border war?
152. watched Benny Hill, Monty Python, Dr. Ruth, Donahue, Geraldo or Oprah?
153. watched primetime soaps?
154. not considered living together without benefit of clergy or legal
sanction a sin (can't live in sin if you don't believe in it)?
155. not respected the sanctity of living in sin (e. g. , hit up on someone
regardless of whether they lived with another)?
156. implied greater or lesser (non-sexual) experience than you actually
possessed?
157. implied greater or lesser sexual experience than you actually
possessed?
158. had sex with someone whose name you didn't know at the time?
159. had sex with someone whose name you still don't know?
160. had sex with someone whose name you don't remember?
161. had sex with someone whose language you don't (or didn't) know?
162. had sex with someone whose name you didn't want to know?
163. had sexual activity with someone ten or more years younger than you?
164. had sexual activity with someone ten or more years older than you?
165. had sex with someone half your age?
166. had sex with someone twice your age?
167. had sex with someone for revenge (on them, on their current or ex-, on
your current or ex-)?
168. lied about how old you were for purposes of sexual activity?
169. lied about how old you were in order to obtain alcohol?
170. broken your word, vow or promise?
171. told someone you loved them when you did not?
172. were nice to someone in hopes of having sex with them?
173. told someone that you loved them strictly because you wanted sex with
them?
174. fantasized during sexual activity about somebody other than the one
present during sexual activity?
175. fantasized during sexual activity that you were somebody else?
176. faked orgasm (guys too)?
177. told them they were great when they weren't?
178. intentionally 'eavesdropped' while others were engaged in sexual
activity?
179. plotted conspiracy?
180. shown erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movies or videos
to get someone in the mood?
181. used alcohol to lower someone's inhibitions about sexual activity
(yours included)?
182. used another drug to lower someone's inhibitions about sexual activity
(yours included)?
183. dipped into capital (been unable to live on one's investment income. An
'Old Money' no-no. If you have to ask the answeris 'no. ')?
184. traded on inside information?
185. ignored someone because you didn't want to admit you had had sex with
them?
186. wanted something or someone that someone else has, simply because they
have it and you don't (coveted)?
187. gone steady with two or more people with one person unaware of the
other(s)?
188. gone steady with two or more people with all aware of the other(s)?
189. implied having had sex with someone when you hadn't?
190. denied having sex with someone when you had (not telling your parents
is merely survival)?
191. gossiped?
192. been in military service?
193. put an ad in the persons to persons?
194. put an ad for a sex partner?
195. advertised for a sex partner including a photograph?
196. answered an advert for a sex partner?
197. exited through a window because someone came home unexpectantly?
198. taken someone someplace to be seen in their company?
199. taken someone someplace to be seen in their company by someone in
particular?
200. been in a wet t-shirt contest?
201. judged a wet t-shirt contest?
202. given your kids unusual names (Shanda Lear, Laurel Ann Hardy)?
203. given your cat or dog a mohawk or a punk hairdo?
204. given your kids unusual names (Dweezel)?
205. gone to a scary movie as an excuse to get close to someone?
206. fed live animals to pets (eg baby chicks to the pit bull)?
207. fed someone 'tref' (eg non-kosher food. Only counts if they were
keeping kosher at the time)?
208. mixed meat and dairy?
209. eaten 'tref' (i. e. non-kosher food. Only counts if you were keeping
kosher at the time)?
210. eaten during daylight during Ramadan?
211. eaten read meat on Friday (a RC no-no)?
212. fed someone dogfood?
213. been in a gross out contest?
214. been in a gross out contest, and won?
215. hired someone more for their looks?
216. wife-(or husband)swapped?
217. wanted to trade them in for a working model?
218. been willing to trade 'em off cheap?
219. told somebody something "for their own good"?
220. had sex without the use of a birth control method more effective than
prayer (Oh God don't let me/her get pregnant)?
221. had sex without the use of even prayer (they call people who do this
frequently "parents")?
222. welshed on a bet or wager?
223. offered sexual favors as payoff for a wager?
224. offered another's sexual favors as payoff for your wager?
225. feared that you might be (or caused someone to be) unintentionally
pregnant?
226. always accepted sex (never refused it regardless of race, creed,
colour, religion, age, gender or condition)?
227. found out you were (or caused someone to be) unintentionally pregnant?
228. offered sex for money or other consideration (a better grade, raise,
"services rendered")?
229. had sex with someone who was merely doing you a favor?
230. demanded sex for money or other consideration ("Put out or walk"/"I'll
scream if you don't" are but the more blatant forms)?
231. coerced someone into having sex with you (you were going to be
impossible to be with unless your hormone level was lowered)?
232. accepted sex for money or other consideration (a better grade, raise,
"services rendered")?
233. offered a sympathy fuck?
234. offered a sympathy fuck, and been rejected?
235. drank all but the last quarter inch from the milk carton or water
bottle and put it back in the cooler (so you wouldn't have to refill
it)?
236. attempted to corrupt someone's morals?
237. attempted to corrupt someone's morals and discover it is too late?
238. attempted to corrupt someone's morals only to discover they know things
you don't?
239. woke up the next morning with the computer keyboard on your pillow (you
might be programming too much)?
240. tried to convince your partner that intercourse would help prevent/
relieve cramps?
241. tried to convince your partner that oral sex was good for the
complexion?
242. considered sperm a protein supplement?
243. questioned someone about their sex life when they were incapable of not
answering (e. g. they were truly wasted, or talking in their sleep)?
244. questioned a significant other about their sex life when they were
incapable of not answering?
245. used whatever they said against them?
246. kited checks? �
IV Legal technicalities
have you:
247. deliberately bounced a check?
248. shoplifted?
249. 'borrowed' something of value with no intention of returning it
('borrowing' kleenex, condoms or tampons, doesn't count)?
250. written graffiti?
251. committed murder?
252. attempted to commit suicide?
253. succeeded?
254. had a fake id?
255. manufactured fake id?
256. speeded (automotive, not pharmaceutical)?
257. drag raced (on the street)?
258. driven without a license?
259. driven while suspended?
260. bought or sold anything on a black market?
261. stolen any item or cash?
262. stolen a kiss?
263. used bootleg software?
264. plotted felony (that's conspiracy and may count)?
265. operated a vehicle or piece of heavy machinery while intoxicated?
266. plotted treason (betrayal of state secrets)?
267. lead someone to believe they were the father when they weren't?
268. lead someone to believe they weren't the father when they were?
269. been liable for arrest on a morals charge (pandering, pimping,
prostitution, impersonating a human being)?
270. been a pool, card or chess shark?
271. been to a dog or cock fight?
272. incited to riot?
273. plotted a coup (civic class doesn't count)?
274. committed sedition (plotting to overthrow the government)?
275. committed sedation (bored an audience to sleep)?
276. committed treason?
277. been thought politically unreliable?
278. been thought politically reliable?
279. looted, raped, pillaged or burned (The Barbarian Pentathalon)?
280. bought alcohol for minors?
281. sent a chain letter?
282. started a chain letter?
283. made unregistered explosive devices (bombs)?
284. made or acquired 'elint' (electronic intelligence) equipment (bugs)?
285. installed or used 'elint' equipment (wiretaps, tape recorders, etc)?
286. been in the badger game?
287. stayed for a second feature having paid only for the first?
288. removed the tag that says "do not remove under penalty of law"?
289. rode public transportation w/o paying?
290. raised tuition/rent by streetwalking?
291. pistol whipped someone?
292. been a bigamist?
293. carried concealed weapons?
294. evaded taxes?
295. evaded custom duties by not declaring something subject to a duty or
tax?
296. had someone buy you alcohol while you were still a minor?
297. been cited in divorce proceedings as the other woman/man?
298. been cited in divorce proceedings as the other woman/man and wish you
actually were?
299. deliberately failed to pay child support?
300. bought your own alcohol while still a minor?
301. been drunk while still a minor?
302. had sexual activity while under the age of consent (masturbation
doesn't count)?
303. had sexual activity while under the age of consent with someone over
the age of consent?
304. had sexual activity since reaching the age of consent with someone
under the age of consent?
305. plagerized?
306. been to a "public bath"?
307. patronized a prostitute?
308. been to a "massage parlor"?
309. been to a brothel as a customer?
310. been to a brothel as an employee?
311. contracted a 'social' disease (not just the common cold)?
312. contracted mono?
313. been treated for exposure to a std (sexually transmitted disease)
because someone you'd been with had been?
314. had sex with someone knowing you had been exposed to a std?
315. had sex with someone knowing they had been exposed to a std?
316. gotten a 'frequent flier' bonus at the free clinic?�
V Things to do and people to do them with. (The nitty and the gritty)
are you now, or have you ever been. . .
317. engaged in heterosexual activity (with a member of the opposite sex)?
318. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you considered
doing so?
319. engaged in homosexual activity (with a member of your sex)?
320. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
321. engaged in incestual activity (with a member of your family)?
322. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
323. engaged in homosexual incest (with a member of your family and gender)?
324. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
325. engaged in bisexual activity (defined here as sexual activity with both
genders on a relatively even ratio for the period of time in
question)?
326. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
327. engaged in bestiality (sex with non-humans, not the merely sub human)?
328. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
329. engaged in xeno eroticism (sexual activity with alien life forms)?
330. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
331. engaged in pedophillia (sexual activity with pre-teenage children)?
332. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
333. engaged in bondage ('voluntarily', you had some control on initiation)?
334. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
335. engaged in sodomy (defined as either: 1) copulation with a member of
the same sex or with animals or 2) non-coital intercourse, esp anal
or oral copulation with the opposite sex)?
336. practiced zipitage (picking other people's zits)?
337. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
338. performed analingus ("oral stimulation of the anus")?
339. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
340. crossed dressed (dressing in clothing of the opposite sex), other than
for a costume party?
341. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
342. crossed dressed for a party or as a joke and discovered you liked it?
343. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
344. practiced necrophila (sex with the dead)?
345. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
346. practiced zombiphilia (sex with the undead)?
347. had a leather fetish?
348. had a rubber fetish (insisting on the use of rubbers doesn't qualify)?
349. performed anal intercourse ("That'd have to be in the butt, Bob")?
350. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
351. cause another person pain for your pleasure (its called sadism)?
352. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
353. had another inflict pain for your own pleasure (its called masochism)?
354. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
355. tied up a masochist and refused to cause them pain (its called cruel)?
356. used Schedule I (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (synthetic opiates,
meth-amphetamines, marijuana, hallucinogens, LSD)?
(with over 145 drugs scheduled, we're not listing them all)
357. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
358. used Schedule II (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (opium, coca leave
products (Coca Cola is doesn't count))?
359. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
360. used Schedule III (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs ( barbiturates, lysergic
acid, amphetamine)?
361. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
362. used Schedule IV (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (Barbital, chloral
Hydrate, Phenobarbital)?
363. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
364. abused Schedule V (USC 21, sec 812 (c)) drugs (codeine)?
365. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
366. intentionally unrinated on someone (its called 'golden showers', 'water
sports', or piss fights)?
367. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
368. intentionally defecated on someone(it's called sick)?
369. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
370. intentionally unrinated on yourself?
371. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
372. intentionally defecated on yourself?
373. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
374. mutilated animals for your own pleasure?
375. if you answered 'yes' would you do it again If 'No' have you thought
about it?
376. flirted?
377. flirted with in-laws? �
VI Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll
have you:
378. considered the song "I want to hold you hand" suggestive?
379. considered 'why don't we do it in the road' a reasonable question?
380. been intoxicated from alcohol?
381. been intoxicated from some other drug?
382. been intoxicated from a controlled or illicit drug?
383. introduced someone to 'drugs' in general?
384. introduced someone to a new (to them) drug?
385. used over the counter drugs for purposes of getting intoxicated?
386. taken any drug that you weren't sure what it was, just to find out what
it does (foolish you)?
387. used prescription drugs that you didn't 'need' or have the prescription
for ('abused' a controlled substance)?
388. bought or sold a controlled or illicit drug?
389. bought or sold a controlled or illicit drug, wholesale?
390. sold as a controlled or illicit drug a non-drug item (burned somebody)?
391. bought a controlled or illicit drug in bulk for personal use?
392. frequently bought controlled or illicit drugs in bulk for personal use
(like weekly or there abouts)?
393. had a standing order with your supplier?
394. taken a non-prescription opiate (heroin, morphine, or opium) more than
4 times?
395. ingested cocaine (bolivian marching powder)?
396. smoked crack?
397. freebased?
398. chugged?
399. sniffed glue?
400. smoked the killer weed (tobacco)?
401. smoked the killer weed (marijuana)?
402. smoked the killer weed (oregano)?
403. smoked banana peels?
404. smoked clove cigarettes?
405. chewed tobacco, or snuff?
406. gargled with hard liquor (No more mediciny breath!)?
407. had alcohol for breakfast?
408. drank Coke & nutmeg?
409. drank Coke & aspirin?
410. made Alice B. Toklas Cookies (marijuana or hash brownies)?
411. eaten Alice B. Toklas Cookies?
412. inhaled nitrous oxide (laughing gas) recreationally?
413. injected any non-prescription drug into yourself?
414. injected any non-prescription drug into yourself on more than one
occasion?
415. injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into
yourself?
416. injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into
yourself on more than one occasion?
417. injected any non-prescription drug into someone else?
418. injected any non-prescription drug into someone else on more than one
occasion?
419. injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into
someone else?
420. injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into
someone else on more than one occasion?
421. spiked a punch with alcohol?
422. spiked a punch with other drugs?
423. taken any synthetic hallucinogen (MDA, STP, Deep Purple, or Sandoz)?
424. did you understand the examples in the last question?
425. ingested any 'natural' hallucinogen (peyote, mescaline, 'shrooms,
ergot)?
426. had a bad trip?
427. gotten a bad batch?
428. taken hallucinogens for enlightenment, or other philosophical reason?
429. taken PCP or other veterinary drug?
430. taken any 'designer' drugs?
431. used the list of controlled drugs as a checklist (USC title 21, sec
812)?
432. been to a rock concert?
433. been to a heavy metal concert?
434. been to a Frank Zappa rock concert?
435. been to a Barry Manilow concert?
436. listened to acid rock?
437. listened to acid rock while on acid?
438. been a groupie?
439. been a roadie?
440. thought about starting a band to meet groupies?
441. thought about starting a band to get good dope?
442. told someone you were with the band?
443. told someone you were with the band, and it worked?
444. played records backwards to hear the secret messages?
445. found the secret message recorded backwards on an album?
446. sung dirty songs, the kind with no subtlety in the lyrics (e. g. Let's
get drunk and Screw)?
447. sung bawdy songs (e. g. Polka Dot Undies, Do your ears hang low, the
Bottle Song)?
448. composed bawdy lyrics?
449. done speed or meth-amphetamine?
450. made or synthesized your own drugs?
451. made or synthesized drugs, 'commercially' (been the lab)?
452. grown your own?
453. bred your own?
454. bought 'moonshine' (any alcoholic beverage made outside the Federal
limit of 200 gallons annually for personal consumption)?
455. brewed your own?
456. had sex while stoned or drunk?
457. used any drug when you were to wasted to know if it had any effect
(e. g. smoked pot while blitzed)?
458. taken mood altering drugs without prescription (valium or quaalude)?
459. been told you had sex the night before and you can't recall a thing?
460. awaken the next morning wondering where you were?
461. awaken the next morning wondering if you had a good time?
462. awaken the next morning wondering where you were, and who's that next
to you?
463. awaken the next morning wondering who you were?
464. felt like the Three Bears (who's been sleeping in my bed)?
465. felt like Baby Bear (who's that sleeping in my bed)?
466. ever thrown up from too much alcohol (aka driven the porcelain bus,
blown chips, tossing your cookies, the technicolor yawn, praying to
the porcelain god, called for the car (There's Ralph's Buick)?
467. ever had blackouts (periods where you don't remember what happened)?
468. been hung over?
469. had a hangover last more than one days?
470. taken the hair of the dog that bit you? �
VII The Erotic, the Kinky, the Tacky and the possibly Perverted
have you:
471. been a member of a fraternity or sorority?
472. said "I'm normal, its everyone else that's weird?
473. told dirty jokes in mixed company?
474. Discussed masturbation?
475. french kissed below the waist?
476. Discussed oral sex techniques (In general, not as part of a lesson)?
477. asked for instructions in oral sex techniques (again, lecture not lab)?
478. given lessons in oral sex techniques ('Pay attention, I'm only going to
do this once. . . !')?
479. demonstrated oral sex techniques with a 'visual aid' (carrot, cucumber
or taco)?
480. demonstrated oral sex techniques with an assistant?
481. demonstrated oral sex techniques for more than one person at a time?
482. played any game which required the removal of clothing (strip poker,
Monopoly or Chess)?
483. deliberately lost a game which required the removal of clothing
(folding with four aces)?
484. owned a collection of underwear not your own?
485. been attracted to someone more by an article of their clothing than by
their body?
486. been a voyeur (without their knowledge)?
487. accepted an invitation to watch?
488. made an invitation to watch?
489. disrobed in public?
490. been to a nude beach?
491. sunned your buns or tanned your can?
492. paraded about in the nude (sprints don't count, nor does while
searching for undies)?
493. been sad because someone you knew was getting married?
494. been sad because someone you knew was getting married and now you'd
never get to sleep with them?
495. used your hair for the sexual arousal of others (beards count)?
496. searched for the G-spot?
497. searched for the G-spot and found it?
498. told him he had when he hadn't but you just wanted him out?
499. rooted for the Klingons?
500. felt sad because Skywalker killed the Emperor?
501. rooted for the Wicked Witch?
502. contemplated the political, social and geometric possibilities of Snow
White and the Seven Dwarfs?
503. wondered where Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty to wake her up?
504. wondered about the sex life of Smurfette (the only female on the whole
damn show)?
505. accidentally entered a public restroom of the opposite gender?
506. accidentally entered a public restroom of the opposite gender, not
realizing it till you were through?
507. intentionally entered a public restroom of the opposite gender (how
else can you read the graffiti)?
508. won the pig pen award for your floor, dorm, fraternity/sorority,
college or state?
509. pissed on an electric fence?
510. streaked, flashed or otherwise intentionally displayed your body to the
general public (without pay, topless dancing doesn'tcount)?
511. streaked, flashed or otherwise intentionally displayed your body to the
general public as part of the job (modeling doesn'tcount)?
512. posed nude or semi nude for private drawings, paintings or photographs
as a 'favor'?
513. posed nude or semi nude in public (e. g. art classes) as a 'favor'?
514. posed as a model for purposes of erotic, pornographic or sexually
explicit art?
515. asked someone to pose nude or semi nude for private drawings, paintings
or photographs as a 'favor'?
516. asked someone to pose nude or semi nude in public (e. g. art classes)
as a 'favor'?
517. asked someone to pose for erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit art
or photographs?
518. asked someone to pose for erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit
photographs and there was no film in the camera?
519. made lewd, licentious or suggestive gestures while dancing in public?
520. helped to cover for someone's escapades (provide alibi, accommodations,
opportunity)?
521. been besieged by someone who thought they could satisfy you and make an
honest person of you?
522. been late to work, class or an appointment because you were involved in
sexual activity?
523. read anything by the Marquis de Sade?
524. drank blood?
525. been nicknamed for a behavior pattern of yours ('Sleepy')?
526. been nicknamed for an aberrant behavior pattern of yours ('Sleazy')?
527. been interrupted by the police while necking, and they were more
embarrassed than you?
528. been an exhibitionist?
529. had sexual activity with siblings (brother or sisters not your own)?
530. had sexual activity simultaneously with both (or however many)
siblings?
531. had sexual activity with a parent and child, not your own (mother,
daughter, father/son, mother/son, father/daughter)?
532. both at the same time?
533. shaved your head?
534. shaved your pubic region (pits don't count)?
535. have someone else shave your pubic region?
536. shaved someone else's pubic region?
537. had sex during menstruation?
538. had oral sex with a menstruating woman?
539. mooned or goosed someone you knew?
540. mooned or goosed someone you didn't know?
541. mooned or goosed someone you thought you knew?
542. stimulated your partner anally (with your finger, vibrator or whatnot)?
543. been stimulated anally (with a finger, vibrator or whatnot)?
544. had a spouse, posslq, or date leave you for someone of their gender
(e. g. your husband left you for another man)?
545. left a spouse, posslq, or date for someone of your gender?
546. picked your nose in public?
547. picked someone else's nose (in private, we don't want to know about
your perversions)?
548. had someone else pick your nose?
549. sexually harassed someone (e. g. made unwanted sexual advances)?
550. graded someone's act of sexual harassment?
551. handed out condoms as party favors?
552. discussed favorite brand of condom?
553. comparison shopped for condoms (plain or ribbed)?
554. inflated a condom?
555. chosen a condom or spermicide for its taste (or lack of)?
556. bought condoms by the case (wholesale, not just the 'family pack')?
557. bought any other birth control item (contraceptive jelly or foam, or
the pill)?
558. bought any other birth control item in bulk (the Pill, unless you got
it for more than one month at a time, doesn't count)?
559. used Coke as a contraceptive douche?
560. carried a condom 'just in case'?
561. tasted your own sexual fluids?
562. tasted another's sexual fluids?
563. complimented someone on their taste?
564. been complimented on your taste?
565. had your ears pierced?
566. had your nose pierced?
567. pierced someone else's ears?
568. worn body paint?
569. worn obscene or suggestive t-shirts?
570. worn t-shirts with obscene or graphic messages in a language you didn't
read?
571. written dirty fortune cookie fortunes?
572. have you a tattoo?
573. have you an 'obscene' tattoo (words or pictures)?
574. have you a tattoo normally concealed by your clothing (George Shultz
has a tiger on his butt)?
575. Have you a tattoo in an intimate location?
576. have you a tattoo normally concealed by your pubic hair?
577. used any object, longer than it is wide, for sexual purposes (Coke
bottle, rolling pin or feather duster)?
578. used a feather or other tickling device for the sexual arousal of
someone?
579. been to a funeral as a form of entertainment (ala Harold of "Harold &
Maude")?
580. Do you consider sex the price a woman has to pay for being married
('just close your eyes and think of England')?
581. used whipped cream for sexual purposes?
582. put gravy, syrup, honey or other spreadable food on your partner and
licked or eaten it (things go better with butter)?
583. had spreadable food put on you and eaten, or licked off?
584. used a vibrator for sexual stimulation?
585. bought ben-wa balls, a vibrator, or other sex toy?
586. given or received ben-wa balls, a vibrator, or other sex toy?
587. asked someone to wear a particular article of clothing not because it
was 'sexy' but because it turned you on?
588. tried to figure out the words to "Louie Louie"?
589. Been to a John Water's film (Pink Flamingos, anything starring Divine)?
590. more than once?
591. seen Eraserhead?
592. more than once?
593. thought of becoming a Veterinary because your first love died of hoof &
mouth?
594. had sex with a dead animal?
595. had sex in the presence of animals?
596. thought of becoming a vegetarian because the saddest day in your life
was when your first love was sent to market?
597. thought to make a contribution to science in similar fashion to Madame
D'Stael?
598. unrinated anywhere other than in an acceptable location or receptacle
(i. e. in a sink, fireplace or wastepaper basket)?
599. defecated anywhere other than in an acceptable location or receptacle
(i. e. in a fireplace, car seat, or wastepaper basket)?
600. tasted or eaten shit?
601. more than once?
602. tasted or drunk urine?
603. more than once?
604. been a member of the Order, Aryan Nation or the like?
605. kept unmarked biology specimens in the refrigerator?
606. kept feces (crap) in the refrigerator (lab specimens do not count)?�
VIII It's Gwendoline time! (Bondage)
have you ('voluntarily'):
607. improvised bondage extemporaneously during sexual activity (e. g.
holding someone's wrists over their head)?
608. do you consider Bondage a way of showing that you care for another
person?
609. been tied up for erotic purposes (ropes, scarves, ties)?
610. been tied up and fucked?
611. been tied up and masturbated upon?
612. been tied up and had to watch others?
613. been tied up knowing you might be seen by others?
614. been tied up with the intention of being seen by others?
615. willingly had your head inserted in a toilet bowl?
616. inserted someone's head in a toilet bowl with their
consent/acquiescence?
617. tied someone up for erotic purposes?
618. tied someone up and fucked them?
619. tied someone up and masturbated on them?
620. tied someone up and had them watch?
621. tied someone up and shown them to others?
622. been bound in chains?
623. been bound and had someone whip you?
624. been whipped until you bled?
625. had your tongue pierced?
626. had your lips pierced?
627. had your other lips pierced (or penis)?
628. had your nipples pierced?
629. practiced flagellation?
630. gotten any good at it?
631. fantasized of being tied up for erotic purposes?
632. fantasized of tying someone up for erotic purposes?
633. fantasized of tying someone up to show them to others?
634. fantasized of tying someone up to have them watch?
635. pierced someone else's lips?
636. pierced someone else's tongue?
637. pierced someone else's other lips (or penis)?
638. pierced someone else's nipples?
639. bound someone in chains (handcuffs, leg irons or plain chain)?
640. bound someone and whipped them?
641. whipped someone until they bled?
642. bought bondage & discipline literature?
643. read "The Story of O"?
644. read both volumes of "The Story of O"?
645. seen the movie "The Story of O"?
646. posed for B&D drawings?
647. posed for B&D photographs?
648. asked someone to pose for B&D drawings?
649. asked someone to pose for B&D photographs?
650. asked someone to pose for B&D movies?�
IX Non-Platonic Activities (The steamy part. ) Part 1.
With a male not your spouse or posslq, have you:
651. been propositioned by a man for necking or petting?
652. been propositioned by a man for any sexual practice?
653. been pinched or patted on the buttocks by a man?
654. been kissed below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
655. received a hickey (or had the attempt if you are hard to get)?
656. received a hickey in an intimate location?
657. received scratch marks or nail marks?
658. been bitten or nibbled upon?
659. been bitten in an intimate location?
660. had a man fondle or stroke your clothed legs?
661. had a man fondle or stroke your clothed body?
662. had a man stroke or fondle your clothed breast or nipples?
663. had a man pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise handle your covered
genitals?
664. had a man fondle or stroke your bare legs?
665. had a man fondle or stroke your bare body?
666. had a man stroke or fondle your bare breast or nipples?
667. had a man pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise handle your bare genitals?
668. propositioned a man for necking or petting?
669. propositioned a man for any sexual practice?
670. pinched or patted a man's buttocks?
671. kissed a man below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
672. petted above or below the waist?
673. given a hickey?
674. given a hickey in an intimate location?
675. left scratches or nail marks?
676. left teeth marks?
677. left teeth marks in an intimate location?
678. fondled or stroked a man's clothed legs?
679. fondled or stroked a man's clothed body?
680. stroked or fondled a man's clothed breast or nipple?
681. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a man's covered
genitals?
682. fondled or stroked a man's bare legs?
683. fondled or stroked a man's bare body?
684. stroked or fondled a man's bare breast or nipple?
685. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a man's bare genitals?
686. been involved with pelvic thrusting while clothed?
687. had you fingers licked or sucked?
688. licked or sucked a man's fingers?
689. had your ear, or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked or nibbled?
690. licked, breathed onto, sucked or nibbled a man's ear or ear region?
691. fondled a man who was asleep?
692. woken up being fondled?
693. had sex with a man who was asleep and he didn't wake up?
694. had sex with a man who was asleep and he did wake up?
695. slept through sexual activity (him doing it to you)?
696. woken up in the midst of a man having sexual activity with you?
697. given a man a backrub or massage with ulterior motives?
698. given a man backrub or massage with ulterior motives and it worked?
699. been petted to orgasm?
700. petted to orgasm?
701. performed fellatio ("oral stimulation of the penis" Webster)?
702. gagged when they came in your mouth?
703. received oral sex?
704. performed mutual oral sex ('69')?
705. performed mutual masturbation?
706. watched while a man masturbated?
707. had a man watch while you masturbated?
708. orgasmed in him (if possible)?
709. had him orgasm in you?
710. orgasmed on him?
711. had him orgasm on you?
712. kissed a man (or boy) on a first date?
713. necked with a man (or boy) on a first date?
714. petted with a man (or boy) on a first date?
715. had oral sex on a first date?
716. given oral sex on a first date?
717. fucked on a first date?
718. had oral sex instead of intercourse?
719. been seen naked under good lighting by a man (note: nude is expected
(e. g. in a shower room or at a nude beach), naked is when you didn't
expect to be seen (e. g. in the bathroom). )?
720. seen a man naked under good lighting?
721. undressed under good lighting, knowing a man was watching you?
722. been in a man's company while both of you were nude without anything
steamy happening?
723. bathed or showered with a man?
724. let a man wash you when you were perfectly capable of doing it
yourself?
725. washed a man who was perfectly capable of washing himself?
726. had sex while in the shower?
727. had sex while taking a bath?
728. "seduced" a virgin? �
X Son (or daughter) of Steamy Part. Part 2.
With a female not your spouse or posslq, have you:
729. been propositioned by a woman for necking or petting?
730. been propositioned by a woman for any sexual practice?
731. been pinched or patted on the buttocks by a woman?
732. been kissed below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
733. received a hickey (or had the attempt if you are hard to get)?
734. received a hickey in an intimate location?
735. been scratched or marked by her?
736. been nibbled or bitten?
737. been nibbled or bitten in an intimate location?
738. had a woman fondle or stroke your clothed legs?
739. had a woman fondle or stroke your clothed body?
740. had a woman stroke or fondle your clothed breast or nipples?
741. had a woman pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise handle your covered
genitals?
742. had a woman fondled or stroked your bare legs?
743. had a woman fondled or stroked your bare body?
744. had a woman stroke or fondle your bare breast or nipples?
745. have a woman pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise handle your bare
genitals?
746. propositioned a woman for necking or petting?
747. propositioned a woman for any sexual practice?
748. pinched or patted a woman's buttocks?
749. kissed a woman below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
750. petted above or below the waist?
751. given a hickey to a woman?
752. given a hickey in an intimate location?
753. left scratches or nail marks on her?
754. left teeth marks?
755. left teeth marks in an intimate location?
756. fondled or stroked a woman's clothed legs?
757. fondled or stroked a woman's clothed body?
758. stroked or fondled a woman's clothed breast or nipple?
759. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a woman's covered
genitals?
760. fondled or stroked a woman's bare legs?
761. fondled or stroked a woman's bare body?
762. stroked or fondled a woman's bare breast or nipple?
763. petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a woman's bare genitals?
764. been involved with pelvic thrusting while clothed?
765. had you fingers licked or sucked?
766. licked or sucked a woman's fingers?
767. had your ear, or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked or nibbled?
768. licked, breathed onto, sucked or nibbled a woman's ear?
769. fondled a woman who was asleep?
770. woken up being fondled?
771. had sex with a woman who was asleep and she didn't wake up?
772. had sex with a woman who was asleep and she did wake up?
773. slept through sexual activity (she doing it to you)?
774. woken up in the midst of a woman having sexual activity with you?
775. given a woman a backrub or massage with ulterior motives?
776. given a woman a backrub or massage with ulterior motives and it worked?
777. been petted to orgasm?
778. petted to orgasm?
779. performed cunnilingus ("oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris")?
780. received oral sex?
781. performed mutual oral sex ('69')?
782. performed mutual masturbation?
783. watched while a woman masturbated?
784. had a woman watch while you masturbated?
785. orgasmed in her (if possible)?
786. orgasmed on her?
787. had her orgasm on you?
788. kissed a woman (or girl) on a first date?
789. necked with a woman (or girl) on a first date?
790. petted with a woman (or girl) on a first date?
791. had oral sex on a first date?
792. given oral sex on a first date?
793. fucked on a first date?
794. had oral sex instead of intercourse?
795. been seen naked under good lighting by a woman (note: nude is expected
(e. g. in a shower room or at a nude beach), naked is when you didn't
expect to be seen (e. g. in the bathroom). )?
796. seen a woman naked under good lighting?
797. undressed under good lighting, knowing a woman was watching you?
798. been in a woman's company while both of you were nude without anything
steamy happening?
799. bathed or showered with a woman (non-coed facilities don't count)?
800. let a woman wash you when you were perfectly capable of doing it
yourself?
801. washed a woman who was perfectly capable of washing herself?
802. had sex while in the shower?
803. had sex while taking a bath?
804. "seduced" a virgin?�
XI Locality
"have you done it on a plane,
have you done it on a train"
have you done it in your bed,
have you done it on your head"
Have you, have you,
had green eggs and ham" (with apologies to Dr Suess)
have you:
805. necked while hot tubbing?
806. had oral sex while hot tubbing?
807. fucked while hot tubbing,?
808. in a sauna or steam bath, ever necked?
809. in a sauna or steam bath had oral sex?
810. in a sauna or steam bath fucked?
811. necked/petted in a place of religion?
812. had oral sex in a place of religion?
813. fucked in a place of religion?
814. necked/petted in a place of the dead (morgue, cemetery, mortuary, crypt
or coffin)?
815. had oral sex in a place of the dead?
816. fucked in a place of the dead?
817. necked/petted in a movie theatre?
818. had oral sex during a movie?
819. fucked during a movie?
820. necked/petted in a sports area (stadium, court, track, or ballfield)?
821. had oral sex in a sports area?
822. fucked in a sports area?
823. necked/petted in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT (a
car or small pickup)?
824. had oral sex in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT?
825. fucked in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT?
826. in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT (a van, pickup),
necked/petted?
827. in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
828. in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT, fucked?
829. necked/petted in a stationary vehicle of more than 10000 pounds GWT (a
semi or RV)?
830. had oral sex in a stationary vehicle of more than 10000 pounds GWT?
831. fucked in a stationary vehicle of more than 10000 pounds GWT?
832. necked/petted in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT (a car
or small pickup)?
833. had oral sex in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT?
834. fucked in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT?
835. in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT (a van, pickup),
necked/petted?
836. in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?
837. in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 pounds GWT, fucked?
838. necked/petted in a moving vehicle of more than 10000 pounds GWT (a semi
or RV)?
839. had oral sex in a moving vehicle of more than 10000 pounds GWT?
840. fucked in a moving vehicle of more than 10000 pounds GWT?
841. necked/petted with the operator of a moving vehicle?
842. had oral sex with the operator of a moving vehicle?
843. fucked the operator of a moving vehicle?
844. as the operator of a moving vehicle, necked/petted?
845. as the operator of a moving vehicle, received oral sex?
846. as the operator of a moving vehicle, fucked?
847. necked/petted on horseback (just don't scare the horses)?
848. had oral sex on horseback?
849. fucked on horseback?
850. had sex at a public event (such as a rock concert, rally, or riot)?
851. had sex with a hermaphrodite?
852. necked/petted on a train?
853. had oral sex on a train?
854. fucked on a train?
855. necked/petted on a boat?
856. had oral sex on a boat?
857. fucked on a boat?
858. had oral sex on a ship?
859. fucked on a ship?
860. necked/petted in an aircraft in flight?
861. had oral sex in an aircraft in flight?
862. fucked in an aircraft in flight?
863. necked/petted on public transportation (bus, subway, tram or trolley)?
864. had oral sex on public transportation?
865. fucked on public transportation?
866. necked/petted in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet or other
small, non-moving enclosure?
867. had oral sex in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet or other
small, non-moving enclosure?
868. fucked in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet or other small,
non-moving enclosure?
869. while in an elevator, or on an escalator or other people mover,
necked/petted?
870. in an elevator, on an escalator or other people mover, had oral sex?
871. fucked in an elevator, on an escalator or other people mover?
872. necked/petted on the roof of a building?
873. had oral sex on the roof of a building?
874. fucked on the roof of a building?
875. necked/petted on the roof of a building where others might see you?
876. had oral sex on the roof of a building where others might see you?
877. fucked on the roof of a building where others might see you?
878. necked/petted in the snow?
879. had oral sex in the snow?
880. fucked in the snow (now that's fucking cold)?
881. had oral sex out of doors?
882. fucked out of doors?
883. had oral sex in a semi public location where there was a possibility of
discovery?
884. fucked in a semi public location where there was a possibility of
discovery?
885. because there was a possibility of discovery, had oral sex in a semi
public locale?
886. because there was a possibility of discovery, fucked in a semi public
locale?
887. necked/petted in a library?
888. had oral sex in a library?
889. fucked in a library?
890. necked/petted in a free flowing body of water (river, lake, swimming
pool, ocean)?
891. had oral sex in a free flowing body of water (river, lake, swimming
pool, ocean)?
892. fucked in a free flowing body of water (river, lake, swimming pool,
ocean)?
893. had sexual activity in a household room other than the bedroom
(kitchen, hallway, living room)?
894. had sexual activity on the floor?
895. had sexual activity on a piece of furniture not normally used for
resting humans on (i. e. microwave, washing machine, tv [acrobatic
aren't you])?
896. showered with a member of the opposite sex in a 'non-coed' facility
(locker room, dorm shower, whatever)?
897. had oral sex while showering with a member of the opposite sex in a
'non-coed' facility (locker room, dorm shower, whatever)?
898. fucked while showering with a member of the opposite sex in a
'non-coed' facility (locker room, dorm shower, whatever)? �
XII Style
have you:
899. pointed and laughed?
900. eaten oysters?
901. eaten prairie oysters?
902. eaten a banana in a provocative manner?
903. eaten an ice cream cone in a provocative manner?
904. used an aphrodisiac?
905. used amyl nitrate?
906. taken something to "improve" your performance?
907. coined 'pet' names for your genitalia?
908. coined 'pet' names for your partner's genitalia?
909. taken notes during arguments, in order to remember the good lines?
910. volunteered to sleep in the wet spot?
911. accepted sex and now wish you hadn't?
912. turned down sex and now wish you hadn't?
913. didn't think it promiscuous having different partners annually?
914. didn't think it promiscuous having different partners monthly?
915. didn't think it promiscuous having different partners weekly?
916. didn't think it promiscuous having different partners daily?
917. didn't think it promiscuous having more than one partner in at a time?
918. considered having to installed a 'takaticket' machine (as in "now
serving number . . ")?
919. made or taken a phone call during sexual activity with someone?
920. during sexual activity, had your partner make or take a phone
call with their parent, spouse, or other important type person?
921. had a general emergency arise during sexual activity (e. g. flood,
fire, hurricane or Norse Stickball)?
922. had a minor emergency during sexual activity (e. g. muscle cramp,
asthmas attack, somebody at the door)?
923. during sexual activity had any crisis that now causes you great
merriment (e. g. the bed broke, couldn't get the condom on)?
924. had nude snapshots taken of you?
925. taken nude snapshots of someone else?
926. given nude snapshots, drawings or other artwork, of yourself to
someone?
927. engaged in sex for more than three hours in a single session with the
same partner?
928. engaged in sex for more than three hours in a single session with
multiple partners?
929. performed ritual sexual activity as part of a religious practice
(Tantric Yoga or Fertility Rites)?
930. had or caused multiple orgasms?
931. had sex until one of you was sore?
932. intentionally been bruised or injured during any sexual activity?
933. intentionally bruised or injured someone during any sexual activity?
934. spanked anyone before or during sex?
935. been sore on the morning after?
936. had sex to Ravel's Bolero?
937. had sex to the Blue Danube?
938. had sex to any other classical selection?
939. disturbed others with the noise from your sexual activity?
940. been a screamer?
941. fucked dorsally ('doggy' style)?
942. fucked in the female superior position?
943. fucked sitting up?
944. fucked standing up?
945. fucked while still clothed ('down with trousers, up with dresses!')?
946. fallen asleep during sex?
947. talked dirty during sexual activity?
948. fainted as a result of orgasm (give them a stud point!)?
949. had sex before breakfast?
950. had sex instead of lunch (good aerobics and low on calories)?
951. had a 'quickie'?
952. had your partner fall asleep during intercourse or oral sex?
953. had your partner faint during intercourse or oral sex as a result of
orgasm (take a stud point!)?
954. been in intimate contact with more than one nude person at a time?
955. had sex more than five times in twenty four hours?
956. had sex with more than 1 person in a 24 hour time period?
957. gone in public after sex w/o bathing (and you're sure everyone can tell
it too)?
958. had sex with both genders in a 24 hour period?
959. been involved in a gang bang (banger or bangee) (being gang raped
doesn't count)?
960. had sex with spectators?
961. been, or kept, a mistress?
962. been, or had, a 'kept man'?
963. been involved in a menage-a-trios?
964. been invited to be involved in a menage-a-trios?
965. invited someone to join in a menage-a-trios?
966. participated in an orgy or similar group activity?
967. made an invitation to join in an orgy or similar group activity?
968. been engaged in sexual activity when the parent/spouse/boy (or girl)
friend of either of you returned unexpectedly?
969. been engaged in sexual activity when the parent/spouse/boy (or girl)
friend of either of you returned unexpectedly, have them excuse
themselves and tell you to continue?
970. been engaged in sexual activity when the parent/spouse/boy (or girl)
friend of either of you returned unexpectedly, have them excuse
themselves and tell you to continue, and you were able?
971. walked in on your significant other while they were engaged in sexual
activity with someone else?
972. walked in on your significant other while they were engaged in sexual
activity with someone else, excused yourself and left them to
continue?
973. walked in on your parents?
974. walked in on others, unaware that they were engaged in sexual activity?
975. walked in on others, to discover them engaged in a sexual activity you
thought was too weird?
976. walked in on others, to discover them engaged in a sexual activity you
hadn't thought possible?
977. walked in on others, unaware that they were engaged in sexual activity,
and been asked to join and did so?
978. had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity
and declare 'I didn't think that was possible'?
979. had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity
and declare 'too weird'?
980. had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity
and ask to join?
981. had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity
and you asked them to join?
(the following are where you have
been attracted to someone because
of their social status)
982. initiated sexual activity with a member of the medical profession (Your
doctor, nurse or therapist)?
983. initiated sexual activity with someone in authority (your parole
officer, psychiatrist, or babysitter)?
984. initiated sexual activity with a member of the legal profession
(lawyer, judge, or paralegal)?
985. initiated sexual activity with a member of the academic community
(Professor, instructor, TA)?
986. initiated sexual activity with an intellectual (librarian, author,
essayist, or scribe)?
987. initiated sexual activity with someone in uniform (Army, Navy, Marines,
Post Office, Cub Scout)?
988. initiated sexual activity with a member of an 'out' group (someone you
wouldn't take home to meet the family, e. g. a biker, air head or
securities broker)?
989. had sexual activity with a member of a sports team (or cheer leader)?�
XIII Testing
have you:
990. had an unauthorized crib sheet for a test?
991. flunked an IQ test?
992. had to study for a blood test?
993. lied on a Purity Test to improve you score?
994. done something with the intent to 'improve' your Purity Test scores or
used a Test for inspiration?
995. been jealous of, or impressed by, someone else's test scores?
996. read a Purity Test aloud, without omitting sections or being
embarrassed?
997. administered a group Purity Test?
998. taken a group purity test?
999. written or rewritten a Purity Test?
1000. remembered something by taking a Purity Test? �
XIV Extra Credit
If you have read de Sade's "Justine. " add five points.
Add ten points if you have read de Sade's "120 days of Sodom & Gomorrah. "
If you know (no guessing) who followed Hendrix at Woodstock, add one point.
Add ten points if you were at Woodstock.
If you know (experiencially) what a Scot wears under his kilt, add three
points (and 3 more if you're female).
If you have worn a strapless gown and are male add one point.
If you've tied someone up and shown them to others and they were naked, add
one point.
If you've tied someone up naked, shown them to others and they were unaware
this was intended, add five points.
If you've been tied up knowing you might be seen naked by others, add five
points.
Add ten points if you've been tied up knowing you would be seen naked by
others.
If you've carried a condom 'just in case' and you are female add one point.
Subtract one point if your partner turns out to have been underage, and you
hadn't suspected.
If you thought the section on Bondage would involve Banks and Corporate Debt
subtract one point .
Subtract two points if something was later revealed to be see through (tent,
clothing, curtains).
If you had to have an obscene phone call explained to you, subtract
two points.
Now total your score
To get your purity percent, subtract the number of yes answers from 1000 and
divide the result by 10. 0
Don't forget the extra points�
Test results. Age __ gender __ Primary orientation ________
Status (Single, Posslq''d, married, divorced) _________
I Good Clean, 'Wholesome' Activities
1)__ 2)__ 3)__ 4)__ 5)__ 6)__ 7)__ 8)__ 9)__ 10)__ 11)__ 12)__ 13)__ 14)__
15)__ 16)__ 17)__ 18)__ 19)__ 20)__ 21)__ 22)__ 23)__ 24)__ 25)__ 26)__
27)__ 28)__ 29)__ 30)__ 31)__ 32)__ 33)__ 34)__ 35)__ 36)__ 37)__ 38)__
39)__ 40)__ 41)__ 42)__ 43)__ 44)__ 45)__ 46)__ 47)__ 48)__ 49)__ 50)__
51)__ 52)__ 53)__ 54)__ 55)__ 56)__ 57)__ 58)__ 59)__ 60)__ 61)__ 62)__
63)__ 64)__ 65)__ 66)__ 67)__ 68)__ 69)__
II Autoerotica (No, it doesn't mean 'love of cars')
70)__ 71)__ 72)__ 73)__ 74)__ 75)__ 76)__ 77)__ 78)__ 79)__ 80)__ 81)__
82)__ 83)__ 84)__ 85)__ 86)__ 87)__ 88)__ 89)__ 90)__ 91)__ 92)__ 93)__
94)__ 95)__ 96)__ 97)__ 98)__ 99)__ 100)__ 101)__ 102)__ 103)__ 104)__
105)__ 106)__ 107)__ 108)__ 109)__ 110)__ 111)__ 112)__ 113)__ 114)__
115)__ 116)__ 117)__ 118)__ 119)__ 120)__ 121)__ 122)__ 123)__ 124)__
125)__ 126)__ 127)__ 128)__ 129)__ 130)__ 131)__ 132)__
III Ethical Considerations
133)__ 134)__ 135)__ 136)__ 137)__ 138)__ 139)__ 140)__ 141)__ 142)__
143)__ 144)__ 145)__ 146)__ 147)__ 148)__ 149)__ 150)__ 151)__ 152)__
153)__ 154)__ 155)__ 156)__ 157)__ 158)__ 159)__ 160)__ 161)__ 162)__
163)__ 164)__ 165)__ 166)__ 167)__ 168)__ 169)__ 170)__ 171)__ 172)__
173)__ 174)__ 175)__ 176)__ 177)__ 178)__ 179)__ 180)__ 181)__ 182)__
183)__ 184)__ 185)__ 186)__ 187)__ 188)__ 189)__ 190)__ 191)__ 192)__
193)__ 194)__ 195)__ 196)__ 197)__ 198)__ 199)__ 200)__ 201)__ 202)__
203)__ 204)__ 205)__ 206)__ 207)__ 208)__ 209)__ 210)__ 211)__ 212)__
213)__ 214)__ 215)__ 216)__ 217)__ 218)__ 219)__ 220)__ 221)__ 222)__
223)__ 224)__ 225)__ 226)__ 227)__ 228)__ 229)__ 230)__ 231)__ 232)__
233)__ 234)__ 235)__ 236)__ 237)__ 238)__ 239)__ 240)__ 241)__ 242)__
243)__ 244)__ 245)__ 246)__
IV Legal technicalities
247)__ 248)__ 249)__ 250)__ 251)__ 252)__ 253)__ 254)__ 255)__ 256)__
257)__ 258)__ 259)__ 260)__ 261)__ 262)__ 263)__ 264)__ 265)__ 266)__
267)__ 268)__ 269)__ 270)__ 271)__ 272)__ 273)__ 274)__ 275)__ 276)__
277)__ 278)__ 279)__ 280)__ 281)__ 282)__ 283)__ 284)__ 285)__ 286)__
287)__ 288)__ 289)__ 290)__ 291)__ 292)__ 293)__ 294)__ 295)__ 296)__
297)__ 298)__ 299)__ 300)__ 301)__ 302)__ 303)__ 304)__ 305)__ 306)__
307)__ 308)__ 309)__ 310)__ 311)__ 312)__ 313)__ 314)__ 315)__ 316)__
V Things to do and people to do them with. (The nitty and the gritty)
317)__ 318)__ 319)__ 320)__ 321)__ 322)__ 323)__ 324)__ 325)__ 326)__
327)__ 328)__ 329)__ 330)__ 331)__ 332)__ 333)__ 334)__ 335)__ 336)__
337)__ 338)__ 339)__ 340)__ 341)__ 342)__ 343)__ 344)__ 345)__ 346)__
347)__ 348)__ 349)__ 350)__ 351)__ 352)__ 353)__ 354)__ 355)__ 356)__
357)__ 358)__ 359)__ 360)__ 361)__ 362)__ 363)__ 364)__ 365)__ 366)__
367)__ 368)__ 369)__ 370)__ 371)__ 372)__ 373)__ 374)__ 375)__ 376)__
377)__
VI Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll
378)__ 379)__ 380)__ 381)__ 382)__ 383)__ 384)__ 385)__ 386)__ 387)__
388)__ 389)__ 390)__ 391)__ 392)__ 393)__ 394)__ 395)__ 396)__ 397)__
398)__ 399)__ 400)__ 401)__ 402)__ 403)__ 404)__ 405)__ 406)__ 407)__
408)__ 409)__ 410)__ 411)__ 412)__ 413)__ 414)__ 415)__ 416)__ 417)__
418)__ 419)__ 420)__ 421)__ 422)__ 423)__ 424)__ 425)__ 426)__ 427)__
428)__ 429)__ 430)__ 431)__ 432)__ 433)__ 434)__ 435)__ 436)__ 437)__
438)__ 439)__ 440)__ 441)__ 442)__ 443)__ 444)__ 445)__ 446)__ 447)__
448)__ 449)__ 450)__ 451)__ 452)__ 453)__ 454)__ 455)__ 456)__ 457)__
458)__ 459)__ 460)__ 461)__ 462)__ 463)__ 464)__ 465)__ 466)__ 467)__
468)__ 469)__ 470)__
VII The Erotic, the Kinky, the Tacky and the possibly Perverted
471)__ 472)__ 473)__ 474)__ 475)__ 476)__ 477)__ 478)__ 479)__ 480)__
481)__ 482)__ 483)__ 484)__ 485)__ 486)__ 487)__ 488)__ 489)__ 490)__
491)__ 492)__ 493)__ 494)__ 495)__ 496)__ 497)__ 498)__ 499)__ 500)__
501)__ 502)__ 503)__ 504)__ 505)__ 506)__ 507)__ 508)__ 509)__ 510)__
511)__ 512)__ 513)__ 514)__ 515)__ 516)__ 517)__ 518)__ 519)__ 520)__
521)__ 522)__ 523)__ 524)__ 525)__ 526)__ 527)__ 528)__ 529)__ 530)__
531)__ 532)__ 533)__ 534)__ 535)__ 536)__ 537)__ 538)__ 539)__ 540)__
541)__ 542)__ 543)__ 544)__ 545)__ 546)__ 547)__ 548)__ 549)__ 550)__
551)__ 552)__ 553)__ 554)__ 555)__ 556)__ 557)__ 558)__ 559)__ 560)__
561)__ 562)__ 563)__ 564)__ 565)__ 566)__ 567)__ 568)__ 569)__ 570)__
571)__ 572)__ 573)__ 574)__ 575)__ 576)__ 577)__ 578)__ 579)__ 580)__
581)__ 582)__ 583)__ 584)__ 585)__ 586)__ 587)__ 588)__ 589)__ 590)__
591)__ 592)__ 593)__ 594)__ 595)__ 596)__ 597)__ 598)__ 599)__ 600)__
601)__ 602)__ 603)__ 604)__ 605)__ 606)__
VIII It's Gwendoline time! (Bondage)
607)__ 608)__ 609)__ 610)__ 611)__ 612)__ 613)__ 614)__ 615)__ 616)__
617)__ 618)__ 619)__ 620)__ 621)__ 622)__ 623)__ 624)__ 625)__ 626)__
627)__ 628)__ 629)__ 630)__ 631)__ 632)__ 633)__ 634)__ 635)__ 636)__
637)__ 638)__ 639)__ 640)__ 641)__ 642)__ 643)__ 644)__ 645)__ 646)__
647)__ 648)__ 649)__ 650)__
IX Non-Platonic Activities (The steamy part. ) Part 1
651)__ 652)__ 653)__ 654)__ 655)__ 656)__ 657)__ 658)__ 659)__ 660)__
661)__ 662)__ 663)__ 664)__ 665)__ 666)__ 667)__ 668)__ 669)__ 670)__
671)__ 672)__ 673)__ 674)__ 675)__ 676)__ 677)__ 678)__ 679)__ 680)__
681)__ 682)__ 683)__ 684)__ 685)__ 686)__ 687)__ 688)__ 689)__ 690)__
691)__ 692)__ 693)__ 694)__ 695)__ 696)__ 697)__ 698)__ 699)__ 700)__
701)__ 702)__ 703)__ 704)__ 705)__ 706)__ 707)__ 708)__ 709)__ 710)__
711)__ 712)__ 713)__ 714)__ 715)__ 716)__ 717)__ 718)__ 719)__ 720)__
721)__ 722)__ 723)__ 724)__ 725)__ 726)__ 727)__ 728)__
X Son (or daughter) of Steamy Part. Part 2
729)__ 730)__ 731)__ 732)__ 733)__ 734)__ 735)__ 736)__ 737)__ 738)__
739)__ 740)__ 741)__ 742)__ 743)__ 744)__ 745)__ 746)__ 747)__ 748)__
749)__ 750)__ 751)__ 752)__ 753)__ 754)__ 755)__ 756)__ 757)__ 758)__
759)__ 760)__ 761)__ 762)__ 763)__ 764)__ 765)__ 766)__ 767)__ 768)__
769)__ 770)__ 771)__ 772)__ 773)__ 774)__ 775)__ 776)__ 777)__ 778)__
779)__ 780)__ 781)__ 782)__ 783)__ 784)__ 785)__ 786)__ 787)__ 788)__
789)__ 790)__ 791)__ 792)__ 793)__ 794)__ 795)__ 796)__ 797)__ 798)__
799)__ 800)__ 801)__ 802)__ 803)__ 804)__�
XI Locality
805)__ 806)__ 807)__ 808)__ 809)__ 810)__ 811)__ 812)__ 813)__ 814)__
815)__ 816)__ 817)__ 818)__ 819)__ 820)__ 821)__ 822)__ 823)__ 824)__
825)__ 826)__ 827)__ 828)__ 829)__ 830)__ 831)__ 832)__ 833)__ 834)__
835)__ 836)__ 837)__ 838)__ 839)__ 840)__ 841)__ 842)__ 843)__ 844)__
845)__ 846)__ 847)__ 848)__ 849)__ 850)__ 851)__ 852)__ 853)__ 854)__
855)__ 856)__ 857)__ 858)__ 859)__ 860)__ 861)__ 862)__ 863)__ 864)__
865)__ 866)__ 867)__ 868)__ 869)__ 870)__ 871)__ 872)__ 873)__ 874)__
875)__ 876)__ 877)__ 878)__ 879)__ 880)__ 881)__ 882)__ 883)__ 884)__
885)__ 886)__ 887)__ 888)__ 889)__ 890)__ 891)__ 892)__ 893)__ 894)__
895)__ 896)__ 897)__ 898)__
XII Style
899)__ 900)__ 901)__ 902)__ 903)__ 904)__ 905)__ 906)__ 907)__ 908)__
909)__ 910)__ 911)__ 912)__ 913)__ 914)__ 915)__ 916)__ 917)__ 918)__
919)__ 920)__ 921)__ 922)__ 923)__ 924)__ 925)__ 926)__ 927)__ 928)__
929)__ 930)__ 931)__ 932)__ 933)__ 934)__ 935)__ 936)__ 937)__ 938)__
939)__ 940)__ 941)__ 942)__ 943)__ 944)__ 945)__ 946)__ 947)__ 948)__
949)__ 950)__ 951)__ 952)__ 953)__ 954)__ 955)__ 956)__ 957)__ 958)__
959)__ 960)__ 961)__ 962)__ 963)__ 964)__ 965)__ 966)__ 967)__ 968)__
969)__ 970)__ 971)__ 972)__ 973)__ 974)__ 975)__ 976)__ 977)__ 978)__
979)__ 980)__ 981)__ 982)__ 983)__ 984)__ 985)__ 986)__ 987)__ 988)__
989)__
XIII Testing
990)__ 991)__ 992)__ 993)__ 994)__ 995)__ 996)__ 997)__ 998)__ 999)__
1000)__
XIV Extra Credit
humor/perverts_anonymous_qualification_exam.txt · Last modified: 20/12/2021 04:57 by lrosa