Luigi Rosa

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====== Woman - A Chemical Analysis of a Digited, Vertebrated, Mammalian Biped ======

===== ELEMENT =====
Female Human

===== CHEMICAL SYMBOL =====
WO

===== DISCOVERER =====
Adam

===== ATOMIC WEIGHT =====
Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 to 160 (mutations have been known to exceed 400 lbs.)

===== OCURENCE =====
Surplus quantities in all urban areas

===== APPROVED FORMULA =====
36-24-36

===== USES =====
  - Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
  - Most powerful money reducing agent known.
  - Can be a great aid to relaxation, or a continuous source of frustration.

===== PHYSICAL PROP. =====
  - Surfaces usually covered in painted film.
  - Boils at nothing and freezes without reason.
  - Melts if given the proper treatment.
  - Bitter if used incorrectly.
  - Found in various states ranging from common ore to virgin metal.
  - Non-magnetic but attracted to bank notes.
  - Yields to pressure applied aat correct point.
  - In its natural state it varies considerably, but the shape is often artificially changed to conform to that of a perfect specimen.  Such treatment is only discovered by an experienced eye.
  - In some instances may start to gain weight and look like they have swallowed a basketball, and then proceed to take on qualities of XEROX machine and reproduce...

===== CHEMICAL PROP. =====
  - Possesses a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
  - Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
  - May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.
  - Insoluble with liquids but activity is increased by saturation in alcohol.
  - Properties are vastly improved if specimen is placed in the dark.

===== TESTS =====
  - Pure specimens turn a rosey tine if found in their natural state.
  - Turns green if placed beside better specimen.
 
===== CAUTIONS =====
  - Highly dangerous except in experienced hands, must be used with great care and patience if experiments are to succeed.
  - It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, but a certain amount of exchange is permissable.
  - When detaching a permanent specimen get appropriate counsel because SPECIMEN COULD DRAIN THE BLOOD FROM YOUR VEINS INDEFINATELY.