====== 101 things NOT to say during sex ======
  - But everybody looks funny naked!
  - You woke me up for that?
  - Did I mention the video camera?
  - Do you smell something burning?
  - (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
  - Try breathing through your nose.
  - A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
  - Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
  - Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
  - But whipped cream makes me break out.
  - Person 1: This is your first time..right?<br>Person 2: Yeah... today
  - (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
  - Can you please pass me the remote control?
  - Do you accept Visa?
  - ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
  - On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
  - And to think-- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
  - So much for mouth-to-mouth.
  - (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
  - Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
  - (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
  - Do you get any premium movie channels?
  - Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
  - (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
  - Got any penicillin?
  - But I just brushed my teeth...
  - Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
  - I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
  - I want a baby!
  - So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
  - (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
  - Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
  - Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
  - I think you have it on backwards.
  - When is this supposed to feel good?
  - Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
  - You're good enough to do this for a living!
  - Is that blood on the headboard?
  - Did I remember to take my pill?
  - Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
  - I wish we got the Playboy channel...
  - That leak better be from the waterbed!
  - I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
  - But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
  - Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
  - If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...
  - No, really... I do this part better myself!
  - It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
  - This would be more fun with a few more people...
  - You're almost as good as my ex!
  - Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
  - Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
  - You look younger than you feel.
  - Perhaps you're just out of practice.
  - You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
  - They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
  - Now I know why he/she dumped you...
  - Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
  - You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
  - What tampon?
  - Have you ever considered liposuction?
  - And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
  - What are you planning to make for breakfast?
  - I have a confession...
  - I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
  - Are those real or am I just behind the times?
  - Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
  - Is that a hanging sculpture?
  - You'll stil vote for me, won't you?
  - Did I mention my transsexual operation?
  - I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
  - Did you come yet, dear?
  - I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
  - A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
  - Does this count as a date?
  - Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
  - Hic! I need another beer for this please.
  - I think biting is romantic- don't you?
  - Q: You can cook, too right?<br>A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)
  - When would you like to meet my parents?
  - Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...<br>Woman: Yourself?
  - Have you seen //Fatal Attraction//?
  - Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
  - Don't mind me... I always file my nails in bed.
  - (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
  - I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
  - Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
  - Sorry but I don't do toes!
  - You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
  - Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
  - Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
  - I'll bet you didn't know I work for //The Enquirer//.
  - So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
  - My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
  - Is this a sin too?
  - I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
  - Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
  - Long kisses clog my sinuses...
  - Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
  - How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
  - You mean you're NOT my blind date?