====== 101 ways why women prefer cucumbers to men ======
  - The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long. 
  - Cucumbers stay hard for a week. 
  - Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count. 
  - Cucumbers don't get too excited. 
  - Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety. 
  - Cucumbers are easy to pick up. 
  - You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home. 
  - Cucumbers can get away any weekend. 
  - With a cucumber you can get a single room... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber. 
  - A cucumber will always respect you in the morning. 
  - You can go to a movie with a cucumber... and see the movie. 
  - You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber... and you can stay in the front seat. 
  - With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home. 
  - A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn... or send you out for Milk Duds. 
  - A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival. 
  - A cucumber won't ask: "Am I the first?". 
  - A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin. 
  - Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin. 
  - Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin anymore. 
  - With a cucumber you don't have to be a virgin more than once. 
  - Cucumbers can handle rejection. 
  - Cucumbers won't pout if you have a headache. 
  - Cucumbers won't care what time of the month it is. 
  - Cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet. 
  - Cucumbers won't give it up for Lent. 
  - With a cucumber you never have to say you're sorry. 
  - Afterwards, a cucumber won't:<br>...want to shake hands and be friends. 
  - ...say, "I'll call you a cab". 
  - ...tell you he's not the marrying kind. 
  - ...tell you he is the marrying kind. 
  - ...call his ex-wife or therapist. 
  - ...take you to confession. 
  - Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month. 
  - Cucumbers won't make you go to the drugstore. 
  - Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them. 
  - A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away. 
  - A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink. 
  - A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat. 
  - With a cucumber you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the Flu season. 
  - Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car. 
  - A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor. 
  - A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library. 
  - A cucumber won't go through your medicine chest. 
  - A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray. 
  - Cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub. 
  - Cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall. 
  - Cucumbers don't have sex hangups. 
  - Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on. 
  - Cucumbers aren't into rope & leather, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits & nuts. 
  - You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
  - You can eat cucumbers when you feel like it. 
  - Cucumbers never need a round of applause. 
  - Cucumbers won't ask: "Am I the best?  How was it?  Did you come? How many times?"
  - Cucumbers aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, Ski Instructor, or Hair Dresser. 
  - A cucumber won't want to join your sports group. 
  - A cucumber never wants to improve your mind. 
  - Cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations. 
  - Cucumbers won't ask about your Last Lover... or speculate about your next one. 
  - A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator. 
  - A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over. 
  - No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber. 
  - Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow. 
  - A cucumber won't give you a hickey. 
  - Cucumbers can stay up ALL night.... and you won't have to sleep on the wet spot. 
  - Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor. 
  - A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet. 
  - A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower. 
  - With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it. 
  - Cucumbers don't compare you to a center fold. 
  - Cucumbers don't count to 10. 
  - Cucumbers don't tell you they liked you better with long hair. 
  - A cucumber will never leave you...<br>...for another woman.
  - ...for another man. 
  - ...for another cucumber. 
  - A cucumber will never call and say "I have to work late, Honey", and then come home smelling like another woman. 
  - A cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a snuggy. 
  - You always know where a cucumber has been. 
  - A cucumber never has to call "the wife". 
  - Cucumbers never have mid-life crises. 
  - A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun. 
  - Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves. 
  - You won't find out later that your cucumber...<br>...is married.
  - ...is on penicillin. 
  - ...likes you - but loves your brother. 
  - A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move. 
  - Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R&R. 
  - A cucumber won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion. 
  - Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do. 
  - Cucumbers won't wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party. 
  - A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve. 
  - A cucumber won't take you to disco and dump you for a flashy outfit. 
  - Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom. 
  - A cucumber doesn't care if you always spent the holidays with your family. 
  - A cucumber won't ask to be put through Med School. 
  - A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually. 
  - Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers. 
  - Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy". 
  - A cucumber won't insist the little cukes be raised Catholic, Jewish, or Orthodox Vegetarian. 
  - It's easy to drop a cucumber. 
  - A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything. 
  - No matter how you slice it, you can have your cuke and eat it too.